


Swim Against the Tide

by alltheamour



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, Thor (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Best Friends, Crossover, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Family Drama, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, FrostIron - Freeform, M/M, Mutual Pining, References to Depression, and are just dealing with school and family drama, both tony and loki just want their fathers' approval, but loki secretly loves it, it starts off angsty but then turns really fluffy i promise, like eventual frostiron, loki is a slytherin and odin is not happy, marvel - harry potter crossover, the mcu characters are at hogwarts, this is a frostiron fic lol, tony annoys loki a lot, tony shows him that slytherin isnt all that bad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-12
Updated: 2018-08-06
Packaged: 2019-05-21 13:30:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14916258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alltheamour/pseuds/alltheamour
Summary: “Loki Odinson!”The knot in Loki’s stomach unfurled and coiled into a new shape: he was afraid for the first time since the ceremony started. He walked up to the chair and sat down, taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. He frantically searched the students in front of him before finding Thor, who seemed to be a universe away from him, and his brother looked at him with so much warmth in his eyes that Loki felt his fear melt away.The hat was placed on his head and Loki smiled. He knew he was a Gryffindor, just like Thor; just like the rest of his family.“Slytherin!”





	1. I. House Colours.

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!  
> This is the first fic that I'm posting, so I'm really nervous - please be gentle with me.  
> If you're reading this then thank you! And I hope that you'll love this AU as much as I do.  
> xx

“You have to promise not to tell mother, okay?”

Loki’s eyes went wide and he nodded quickly; he would have sworn to secrecy if he had to, and he suddenly felt that it might _be_ that serious, especially if the look that Thor was giving him was any indication. “I promise I won’t tell.”

“We aren’t allowed to do magic outside of school,” Thor’s voice dropped down to a whisper as he reached into his jacket and pulled out his wand, as well as two small vials of a murky purple liquid, “but I got these from Heimdall.” He held up the two vials and Loki gasped as he noticed that the liquid _wasn’t_ murky, but instead made up of what looked like violently swirling purple and black clouds – a storm in its prime. “He said that it would get rid of the Trace for an hour.”

The two brothers sat facing each other, their bodies obscured from view by stretches of overgrown grass. The late afternoon sun hung low in the sky and bathed everything in golden light, unaware of the mischief that was about to take place, painting them the picture of innocence; Loki was thrilled.

He didn’t know who Heimdall was, nor did he fully understand what _the Trace_ was, having only heard his mother threatening him and Thor with it when they misbehaved, but if being without it meant that they could perform magic without getting into trouble then he would’ve liked to be rid of it sooner rather than later. He wasn’t old enough to really _do_ anything – he didn’t even have his wand yet – but Thor always excited him with tales of Hogwarts, telling him about charms and potions and creatures, and Loki found himself counting down the days until it was time for him to go to school. Now, being faced with the thought of seeing _actual magic_ , he was almost ready to force the potion down Thor’s throat.

“Are you going to drink it?”

Thor grinned and opened one of the vials, downing its contents without hesitation. He held the other vial out to Loki; “You have the Trace, too.”

Loki took the vial and watched the swirling clouds for a moment, “what if it doesn’t work?”

“Then we should expect a letter from the Ministry very soon.”

The threat had no weight – Loki had the vial open before Thor had even finished his sentence. The liquid was thick and cloyingly sweet as it slid down his throat. Loki pulled a face.

“I don’t feel any different.”

“You shouldn’t,” Thor reassured him. Loki watched his brother expectantly. Thor lifted his wand a little higher and pointed it at Loki, reciting a charm before Loki could protest against it, and Loki looked down in time to see the blue of his shirt turn to a deep emerald green.

Thor’s mouth cracked into a grin, “Can you imagine father’s face if you came home in Slytherin’s house colours?”

Loki frowned; his father had told him enough about Slytherin for him to know it was _bad_. Bad people came from Slytherin: people who cared only for themselves and people who stepped on others just to get what they wanted.

Loki didn’t want to be in Slytherin.

“I want to be in Gryffindor.”

Everyone in their family had been in Gryffindor.

Thor said the charm again and Loki watched as emerald faded into a warm sunset; red and gold, Gryffindor’s house colours.

“The other houses are good, too.” Thor had friends from all of the houses, and he’d found them all admirable: Ravenclaws were hard-workers, and he’d often found it best to talk to them when he had a problem; Hufflepuffs were friendly and caring and easy to be around; Slytherins were smart and determined. He had yet to meet a “bad” Slytherin, despite all his father’s warnings.

But Loki had already made up his mind. He shook his head, “I want to be in Gryffindor.”

Thor shrugged, “Well, you still have some time before you have to worry about that.” He didn’t give Loki time to answer, already reciting another spell that had water spraying out of his wand that made Loki burst into a fit of giggles.

They continued going over spells and charms until the hour was up, with Thor getting the spells wrong more often than not and making Loki laugh at the result. Neither of them spoke of it once they got home. Thor grinned at Loki over the breakfast table the following morning when no letters from the Ministry of Magic arrived.

Loki was more excited for Hogwarts than ever.


	2. II. Phoenix Feather.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What about Slytherin?” Loki’s question was so quiet that it was almost lost in the hum of Diagon Alley. “Father always says that criminals come from Slytherin.”
> 
> “That’s because they do.” Odin seemed to lose his patience with the conversation; he had no doubts that Loki would be sorted into Gryffindor. “Can you name a criminal that wasn’t in Slytherin house?”
> 
> “That’s because only Slytherins have the skill and determination to succeed as criminals."

“Laurel wood, thirteen inches with a phoenix feather core.”

The Ollivander’s employee offered Loki the wand; Loki reached out for it, wide-eyed, and let out a small gasp as soon as he held it in his hand - he felt different holding the wand, as if all of the pieces that were inside of him, once disorganised and frantic, had snapped into place, and the energy that surged through his body was suddenly focused and ready to be directed toward _something_.

“Ah, it seems to have taken a liking to you,” the employee announced with a pleased smile. “This one has been particularly picky with owners,” she took the wand back and placed it in its box. “You must be quite special.”

“I can’t say that I’m surprised.” Frigga was smiling proudly at her son.

She had never doubted that Loki was special. He’d shocked her with his ability from a young age, often finding ways to use magic despite having never been taught and, although the acts were always small (opening jars, picking up objects and, on one occasion, making his own bed) Frigga _knew_  that performing magic without a wand was difficult. She could never bring herself to reprimand Loki for it, and, once he began to use magic more and more often, she got the sense that they had only stayed out of more serious trouble due to Odin’s position at the Ministry.

Odin had not approved of Loki’s use of underage magic; he made sure to chide Loki on the recklessness and irresponsibility of his actions, threatening that _such bad behaviour is what gets witches and wizards into Slytherin!_

Those words had scared Loki into good behaviour for a few weeks.

“Your wand is better than mine,” Thor grumbled beside Frigga.

“Hush, dear,” she placed a comforting hand on his arm, “everyone gets the wand best suited to them; yours is perfect for you.”

“Come,” said Odin, who had just paid for the wand; he was busy tucking the box into a small bag with all of their day’s purchases and rushing them out of the store.

“I hope I get Gryffindor,” Loki said excitedly to Thor once they walked back into a bustling Diagon Alley. He thought of all the great Gryffindor witches and wizards he’d studied; he hoped to be amongst them one day.

“I think you’ll fit right into Ravenclaw,” Frigga ruffled her son’s hair affectionately. She could not picture her Loki amongst Gryffindors; he was far too analytical, too calculating, for a house of people who often acted before considering all of the options. Loki never shied away from attention; however, he did have a tendency of retreating into his shell, and Frigga feared that he might get lost amongst the typically extroverted members of Gryffindor house.

Thor agreed with his mother, although it was for another reason entirely; he thought of his fellow Gryffindors, of their impulsiveness and competitive nature, and he couldn’t fight the feeling that his brother would tire of it quickly. Loki was brave, and he had a good heart, but he often had trouble accepting when things did not go his way.

Loki pulled his face as though the thought of being in another house left a sour taste in his mouth and Frigga laughed; “There’s nothing wrong with the other houses, Loki.”

It wasn’t that Loki _disagreed_ – he just believed that Gryffindor was the _best_ house. All of the best witches and wizards in the wizarding world had been in Gryffindor, and they were all brave and powerful and everything that Loki wanted to be.

“You’ll be in Gryffindor, as we all were.” The pride in Odin’s voice was impossible to miss.

Frigga noticed the way Loki puffed up his chest and squared his shoulders and she worried for her youngest son. She had no doubts that Loki possessed all of the qualities of a Gryffindor, but she was afraid he would be left heartbroken if the outcome was any different.

“And if you aren’t,” she added with a pointed look towards her husband, “then there’s nothing wrong with that. We’ll be proud of you, no matter what.”

“What about Slytherin?” Loki’s question was so quiet that it was almost lost in the hum of Diagon Alley. “Father always says that criminals come from Slytherin.”

“That’s because they do.” Odin seemed to lose his patience with the conversation; he had no doubts that Loki would be sorted into Gryffindor. “Can you name a criminal that wasn’t in Slytherin house?”

“That’s because only Slytherins have the skill and determination to succeed as criminals,” Thor finally spoke up, growing tired of his father’s constant belittling of the house.

“Or could it be because of their greed and desire for power?”

“Stop it.” Frigga put an end to the fight before it started. The family had gotten to the shop with the correct Floo connection to their home, and Thor disappeared into the fireplace first, with Odin following after. Frigga looked down at Loki, who seemed to be moved by all of Odin’s earlier words. She sighed and placed a hand on her son’s shoulder, “You’ll always be my little troublemaker - even if you are placed Slytherin.”

Loki nodded and awkwardly looked down at his feet; his father’s words were still ringing in his ears, and he still couldn’t seem to stomach the thought of being in any of the other houses.

Frigga placed a finger under Loki’s chin and lifted it so that she could look into her son’s eyes, “Your father may have extreme beliefs, but remember this: _we_ control our own fate. Being in Slytherin doesn’t instantly make you evil, just as being in Gryffindor doesn’t instantly make you good. No matter what house you’re in, _you_ control the person that you want to be.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we're getting closer to Loki getting to Hogwarts and meeting the other characters! And I promise that this is a FrostIron fic, I know it seems like it's taking forever.  
> Thank you for all the love on the previous chapter! I can't explain how happy all the comments made me, and I hope you can continue enjoying this story. I've spent some time figuring it out, and as it is there'll be about 16 to 18 chapters. Updates for this fic will be weekly (and I'm really going to try to stick to that), so I'll see you all next week with a new chapter!  
> For reference, in this chapter Loki is around 10 years old and Thor is around 16.


	3. III. Hogwarts Express.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone in the compartment watched in amusement as the two boys quarrelled with each other; Bruce got flustered rather easily and Tony seemed to enjoy riling him up, which only frustrated Bruce further. Loki couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped him.
> 
> “Great, now there’s a kid laughing at me, Bruce. What a terrible start to the year.”

“Make sure to stay with Thor,” Frigga smoothed out non-existent ruffles in Loki’s robes, “Don’t go wandering around.”

“Yes, mother,” a hint of annoyance clouded Loki’s response, but he was far too wired up to take it any further. His eyes eagerly darted around the crowded platform and he found himself wondering about what was to come; _who would his classmates be? What classes would he be in?_ Then, less enthusiastically: _would he make it into Gryffindor?_ Regardless, Loki couldn’t stand still.

Platform 9 ¾ seemed to be vibrating with the same energy. Returning students greeted each other excitedly and made plans to talk of their holidays on the train, and new students were nervously coddled by their families, but one thing was certain - everyone was excited to be going to Hogwarts.

“We really have to go now,” Thor interrupted Frigga’s fussing over Loki as the Hogwarts Express whistled behind them: a signal that it would be departing soon.

Frigga continued fussing.

“You have your wand? All of your textbooks?” Loki nodded and Frigga let out a breath before her hands finally stilled on his shoulders. “Are you going to be okay?”

“ _Yes_ ,” in fact, Loki was sure that he would be _more_ than okay. He had been waiting for this for years now, and he was sure he would have been on the train already were it not for his mother’s questions. He smiled at his mother before he remembered something and looked down, disappointment radiating from his body. “I do wish that Father was here, though.”

Frigga smiled as warmly as she could; “He’s very proud of you, just as I am.”

Odin had been called in to the Ministry for some sort of pressing matter and Frigga’s heart broke that he could not be there to see Loki off for his first year, but she knew that there was nothing to be done.

“Remember what I told you, okay?” she kissed his forehead. “Everything is going to be fine.” She stood up and hugged Thor tightly; “Make sure to look after your brother.”

“I will,” Thor returned his mother’s hug, “but we really do have to go now.”

Frigga laughed and she had tears in her eyes when she pulled away; she looked at her sons and couldn’t help but feel a burst of pride in her chest. It seemed only moments ago that Thor was preparing for his first year; only moments ago that he and Loki practiced magic in the fields, unaware that she’d seen them and kept their secret from Odin as well.

Thor took his and Loki’s luggage and led his brother to the train. “I love you!” Frigga shouted after them, “and send Mjölnir if you need anything!”

Thor’s snowy owl turned her head in her cage and ruffled her feathers in response, almost as if to say _don’t worry, I’ll look after them._

_

Thor and Loki settled into their compartment as the train departed from the station. Loki stared out of the window, wide-eyed and excited about his first trip to Hogwarts. He would finally get to see everything that Thor spoke of in his stories; he would finally get to experience the magic for himself.

“You aren’t worried about being homesick?” Thor asked from where he sat opposite Loki.

Loki gave it some thought before answering, “No.” And he wasn’t; he had been waiting far too long for this, and he knew that Thor would still be with him.

Thor smiled, “Of course you aren’t.”

“Aren’t you nervous?”

Thor gave him a puzzled look, “about what?”

“It’s your last year,” Loki pointed out, “isn’t that scary?”

Thor thought of it for the first time; he had been too preoccupied with getting through his classes and practices that he had never considered what would come _after_ Hogwarts. There was no doubt that his father would want him to join him at the Ministry, but Thor wasn’t too excited about the idea; or at least he wasn’t if it meant working in the same department as his father.

 “I guess it is, if you think about it.”

Loki shook his head before looking out the window once again; _of course_ Thor hadn’t thought about it.

The brothers sat in silence for a moment and Loki enjoyed the view of the countryside as his thoughts began to drift towards Hogwarts once again; he’d read a bit about the Sorting Ceremony, and he had heard bits and pieces from Thor, but he had no idea what was really waiting for him once they arrived at school. He’d heard that it was possible to talk to the hat about what you wanted, but it seemed unlikely that it would really take any personal wishes into consideration.

He thought about the houses again and immediately felt anxiety rise in his chest; he was about to bring it up to Thor when someone entered their compartment.

“Heimdall!” Thor’s eyes lit up with happiness and he stood to greet the boy standing in the doorway.

 “I can’t believe I’m admitting this, but I’ve missed you,” Heimdall laughed as he took a seat next to Loki. “And you!” he laughed and turned to Loki before ruffling his hair affectionately, “look how big you’ve gotten! You haven’t forgotten who I am, have you?”

“You missed one summer, Heimdall,” Loki smiled as he pulled away from Heimdall, who seemed to be preparing to tickle him; “I wouldn’t be able to forget you even if I wanted to.”

Heimdall and Thor had been best friends since Thor’s fourth year, and it was almost tradition for Heimdall to spend at least two weeks at the Odinson residence during their summer break; the two boys would get up to all sorts of mischief, and for two weeks during summer break, Frigga would be a nervous wreck. Loki would simply watch on in awe as the two of them found ways to escape the Trace and perform different spells without getting caught.

Heimdall was absent for the last summer, and Thor had been miserable.

“You must be excited?” Heimdall smiled.

“I am.” Loki was practically bouncing up and down in his seat. “I’ll finally get to see the moving staircases and meet the ghosts that you and Thor always talk about, and I _bet_ I’ll be even better at Quidditch than Thor is,” Loki grinned.

“You’ll have to learn how to ride a broom first,” Thor smiled and playfully kicked Loki’s leg.

“And what about you?” Heimdall leaned back in his seat and raised his eyebrows suggestively at Thor, “is this the year that you finally ask Jane out?”

“Shut up,” Thor mumbled and Loki noticed his brother’s face go red.

“Who’s Jane?” Loki asked, having never heard the name before.

“’ _Who’s Jane?’”_

_“Shut up!”_

Thor and Heimdall spoke at the same time. Loki found it amusing.

“ _Jane_ is the girl your brother’s been falling for for almost _three years_ now,” Heimdall laughed. “I’ve been trying to get him to make a move but apparently this is one occasion where he isn’t _stupidly brave_.”

“There are a lot of factors to consider-“

“Since when do you _consider factors_?”

“ _Since_ Jane is in Ravenclaw and she’s _smart,_ so it might be _smart_ to consider them-”

“Jane is in Ravenclaw?” Loki asked with surprise clearly etched in his voice.

“Are we talking about Thor’s crush?” The door to the compartment opened and in the doorway stood a blue-haired girl that Loki had never seen before.

“Nat!” Thor smiled even though he still seemed uncomfortable at their topic of discussion.

Natasha sat down next to Thor and gave him a kiss on the cheek; it reminded Loki of his aunts and uncles on Christmas holidays. “Our last summer break and you don’t even write? I’m disappointed.”

“I’ve been busy,” Thor laughed but couldn’t stop the blush that spread across his cheeks.

“Doing what? Writing poetry about Jane?” Another boy entered the compartment and sat down next to Natasha, and she immediately turned to kiss him on the cheek as well, her smile growing even wider.

“Nice to see you, too, Clint,” Thor grumbled. “Can we stop talking about Jane?”

“Fine,” Natasha agreed. “Who’s this?” she nodded towards Loki.

“This is my brother, Loki,” Thor introduced Loki to his friends, “He’s starting his first year. Loki, this is Clint," he gestured to the boy on the far end of the compartment, "and this is Natasha; if you ever need someone poisoned, she’s the best person to ask.”

“Nice to meet you, Loki,” Natasha smiled at him and ignored Thor’s chiding, clearly already used to it.

“Your hair,” Loki’s curiosity got the better of him and he pointed it out. “It’s blue.”

“It is,” Natasha confirmed, “would you prefer a different colour?”

Loki was confused; he stumbled over his words as he tried to make sense of what Natasha had just asked, but something happened before he could get an answer out: Natasha’s hair began shimmering and slowly fluttered into a fiery red.

“Better?” Natasha grinned at him.

Loki didn’t think his eyes could widen any further.

“Stop scaring my brother,” Thor said through a poorly concealed laugh. “Natasha is a Metamorphmagus;” he explained, and Loki watched in awe as Natasha cycled through different eye colours and facial features before she morphed into a combination that looked eerily similar to Thor.

“It means I’m the most fun out of all of these losers,” Natasha’s voice spoke out of Thor’s face.

“It means you’re the scariest one out of us all,” Thor frowned and Natasha shimmered back into her normal face, though her hair settled into a shorter, light blonde cut this time.

“How did you know you could do that?” Loki picked one of the million questions that were running through his head.

Natasha shrugged, “It just sort of happens, I guess. I’ve always been able to do it.”

“Yeah, and she’s caused a lot of trouble because of it,” Clint spoke up next to Natasha, “You’re almost _too_ good at it.”

“Well, it _is_ a useful gift – I think it would be wrong to not use it.”

“So do you trick a lot of people?”

“Maybe a bit more than I should.” Natasha grinned.

Loki couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face; he imagined what it must be like to be whoever you wanted at will. He surely would’ve abused the talent, too.

“Hey, Brucie!” Natasha interrupted Thor and Clint’s conversation on Quidditch practice when she suddenly shouted to someone passing by outside of the compartment.

‘Brucie’ stopped dead in his tracks, and the person who was following behind him protested loudly when they slammed into each other. “Hey, Bruce, what the _f-“_

“Nat!”

“Hey, come in!” Natasha smiled widely as she invited the two younger boys into the compartment. They sat down in the two remaining seats; “guys, this is Bruce Banner; he totally saved my ass last year with a potion. He’s seriously a genius, it’s amazing.”

Bruce, who had gone completely red in the face, began rambling about his summer break and all of the extra reading he had done, while the boy next to him slouched slightly in his seat with a bored expression on his face.

To Loki’s surprise, Natasha enthusiastically threw herself into the conversation, adding in bits of reading she’d done herself and experiments she was excited to try out.

“God, put two Ravenclaws together and it’s like all of the fun gets sucked out of the room,” the boy next to Bruce grumbled; “I’d rather be stuck rearranging Professor Woodcroft’s rare candle collection.” Heimdall tried to cover up his snort with a cough. “I’m Tony, by the way, since Bruce is too busy falling in love to introduce me.”

“Jesus, why am I friends with you?” Bruce’s face seemed to turn an unnatural shade of red.

“I ask myself that every day,” Tony sighed dramatically, “but here we are: still friends and still hating every single minute of it.”

“Can you just be cool for _two seconds_ -“

“I _am_ cool, _Brucie_. I wasn’t the one going off about Hemlock and _Dragon Livers,_ for God’s sake-“

Everyone in the compartment watched in amusement as the two boys quarrelled with each other; Bruce got flustered rather easily and Tony seemed to enjoy riling him up, which only frustrated Bruce further. Loki couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped him.

“ _Great_ , now there’s a kid laughing at me, Bruce. What a terrible start to the year.”

Bruce covered his face with his hands, “I’m really starting to wish they expelled you.”

Tony rolled his eyes, “If they expelled me then who would listen to your _painfully boring_ lectures about-“

“Wait, _you’re_ Tony Stark!” recognition lit up Clint’s face. “You’re the kid that made them add that new school rule last year!”

“That would be me,” Tony shrugged, “though it’s not my fault they didn’t have any rules covering what magic you _weren’t_ allowed to do with prefects.”

“How the hell did you do it?” Clint shook his head. Loki noticed the admiration in his eyes; it fueled his curiosity.

“It wasn’t that hard, actually,” Tony seemed sheepish for the first time since he entered the compartment, “I just had to convince the right person that they needed my help.”

“What did you _do_?” Loki asked before Clint could get a word in.

“He hexed all of the prefects into turning the professors green during closing assembly,” Thor shook his head in disbelief as he explained, and Loki’s eyes went wide.

“I didn’t _hex_ them,” Tony scoffed at Thor’s explanation.

“No, he _poisoned_ them,” Bruce corrected, “and they had no memory of ever even drinking any potion, let alone being instructed to turn the professors green.”

“You’re saying it like I didn’t _invent_ a new potion that _totally worked_.” Tony folded his arms across his chest; “You’re just jealous I’m better at Potions than you.”

Bruce shook his head, “The Headmistress had to trudge around people’s brains for hours before they figured out it was Tony.”

“And once they did they couldn’t even expel you, since you hadn’t even broken any school rules,” Heimdall was clearly impressed.

“So, I guess we should all go to _Tony_ if we ever need someone poisoned now,” Clint grinned. “Sorry, Nat, but the kid’s stolen your title.”

“I’ll have to step up my game,” Natasha returned his grin with one of her own, “Though I do envy your determination, Tony.”

Tony seemed shocked that the group were acknowledging his skill, and Loki wondered if anyone had ever offered him any reaction other than shock or disgust before. He recovered after a moment and cleared his throat before answering, “Yes, well, we Slytherins are quite known for that.”

The smile on Loki’s face immediately fell; he hadn’t expected Tony to be in Slytherin, although it seemed like an obvious fit now that he thought about it. He felt conflicted: his feelings towards Tony and what he had done hadn’t changed – he still thought that it was incredibly funny, as well as incredibly brilliant – but he remembered all of his father’s words about Slytherin, and something in him told him that what Tony had done was _bad_ ; that he should not be praised for his actions.

The group continued talking and Nat proceeded to ask Tony a slew of questions that he didn’t seem too unhappy to answer, but Loki found it too difficult to join in again. His mind was too full of questions; he was too preoccupied with the way no one seemed to think any less of Tony for what he had done, and he wondered what it said about him if he didn’t think any less of him either.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm a mess, I'm sorry this is so late ;; I found it really difficult writing this chapter just because of how many characters and personalities are involved - it was really important to me to get them right, especially since it's the first time Loki meets so many of them.  
> But I'm doing a double update tonight as an apology! Enjoy and thank you for reading xx


	4. IV. The Sorting Ceremony.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The hushed whispers of the first year group immediately died down as they noticed the professor standing ahead of them. She looked rather young to be a professor, and Loki thought that she had a kind face even though her expression was quite serious. She looked over the group of wide-eyed first years and softness slowly crept over her features.
> 
> “Welcome to Hogwarts."

The first years had been separated from the other returning students once the train had arrived at the station, and Loki found himself grouped up with Pietro (who knew a great deal about Hogwarts already, and didn’t fail to let the rest of them know of it), Peter (whose glasses seemed to slip off of his face when he spoke too enthusiastically), and a girl whose name he lost somewhere in the middle of her constant, nonsensical chatter.

Loki was too nervous to make any type of conversation, so he preferred to stay quiet during their journey to the castle across the Great Lake. He watched in awe as they approached the castle, unable to believe that it was really in front of him. Pietro prattled off next to him about corridors and hidden passages, but Loki got the sense that the boy was just as nervous and excited as he was.

“I wonder what houses we’ll be put into,” Peter said once the boats had docked and they had received their next instructions on where to go. “From what I’ve heard, there’s an equal number of students in each house – but that’s a bit weird don’t you think? If we’re sorted based on our personalities then what would happen if there was a year group who were all sorted into Slytherin? Or Hufflepuff?” He adjusted his slipping glasses. “Do you think that could happen?”

“I don’t know,” Loki answered truthfully, although he was more interested in looking around the castle they had just walked into than what Peter was saying.

“I bet I’ll get Slytherin,” Pietro said proudly, “my sister’s in Slytherin.”

“Actually, there isn’t much correlation between families and houses,” Peter corrected.

Loki’s ears perked up at that; “What do you mean?”

“Well, just because you have family in a certain house doesn’t mean you’ll be placed in that house,” Peter clarified, and then a thoughtful expression crossed his face, “although, since families usually have similar values and traits, I guess it’s not totally impossible that the similarities could come through with house placements-“

Pietro groaned as they reached the top of the staircase; the boy was a walking dictionary. “Please stop talking.”

“First years!”

The hushed whispers of the first year group immediately died down as they noticed the professor standing ahead of them. She looked rather young to be a professor, and Loki thought that she had a kind face even though her expression was quite serious. She looked over the group of wide-eyed first years and softness slowly crept over her features.

“Welcome to Hogwarts,” she tipped her head forward. “I’m Professor van Dyne. We’ll be seeing each other in class soon, but for now it’s time to be sorted into your houses. Follow me,” she turned around and the doors that were behind her seemed to push themselves open.

Loki and Pietro looked at each other and grinned before the entire group rushed after the Professor.

The Great Hall was fantastic.

The students looked around; everyone was completely awestruck at the sight in front of them. Four rows of long dining tables filled with students lined the space; hundreds of lit candles hovered above everyone and filled the hall with a warm light that seemed to soften the entire hall. The ceiling above looked like the night sky, and Loki’s jaw dropped as he watched a few fluffy clouds pass over the moon – just as the sky had looked outside.

“It’s amazing,” Peter whispered from beside him, equally as astounded.

There was a long table right at the back of the hall where all the professors were seated, and Loki strained to see the headmistress from where he was walking right behind Professor van Dyne; he’d only heard stories of her from Thor - of how she’d been around during the Great Battle and how her presence always commanded the entire room.

Loki’s nerves fluttered back to life once they stopped in front of all of the professors.

Professor van Dyne moved off to the side and allowed them to see all of the other professors sitting in front of them, including the headmistress, who stood up to address them.

“Welcome, first years,” she said, looking down at the group. She was a petite, elderly woman with a rather pinched face, but there was a strength in her stance that stilled the hall completely. Everyone’s attention was focused on her; “We’re all very excited to have you, and you’ll be meeting the other professors in the next few days.” She looked around at the rest of the school, “And to everyone else, welcome back. I hope you’ve all had a lovely break, and I wish you good luck for the coming year.”

She paused for a moment and looked out at all the students before turning to Professor van Dyne and nodding: a signal to start the Sorting Ceremony. She sat down and Professor van Dyne took a step towards the centre of the table.

“Right,” a scroll seemed to appear in Professor van Dyne’s hand out of thin air, “come and take a seat on the chair when I call your name. I will place the hat on your head and your house will be announced – you may then take a seat at your house’s table.” The professor looked down at the scroll and cleared her throat.

“Mary Jane Watson!”

A curly-haired girl walked up to the chair; she seemed to have the expression of someone who was trying very hard to look disinterested, but Loki could see the nervousness in her eyes.

Loki was trying very hard to appear calm himself; he had begun to think of his father’s words once again, and of how conflicted he felt upon finding out that Tony was in Slytherin. He thought of his mother’s words in Diagon Alley – perhaps she was right.

“Ravenclaw!” The hat announced in a gravelly voice. Mary Jane smiled happily once Professor van Dyne removed the hat from her head and relief visibly flooded through her. The professor pointed her in the direction of the Ravenclaw table while everyone cheered, and a few fellow Ravenclaw students stood to greet her.

“Peter Parker!”

Students continued to be sorted into their houses and everyone seemed happy with their outcomes; a knot formed in Loki’s stomach with every new name that was called. He wondered where Thor was; wondered if his brother had felt this same panic when he was to be sorted into a house. Or was Thor already sure that he would be in Gryffindor? An unwelcome thought entered Loki’s mind: what if the fact that he even doubted whether he would be in Gryffindor or not meant that he wasn’t meant for Gryffindor at all?

“Loki Odinson!”

The knot in Loki’s stomach unfurled and coiled into a new shape: fear. He walked up to the chair and sat down, taking a deep breath to try and calm his nerves. His last thought had his mind spinning and he tried to remember his mother’s words, but they were lost to him. He hoped that the stories he’d heard of being able to persuade the Sorting Hat were true – he would beg if it came down to it. He frantically searched the students in front of him before finding Thor, who seemed to be a universe away from him, but his brother looked at him with so much warmth in his eyes that Loki felt his fear ease away. It reassured him.

The hat was placed on his head and Loki smiled. He knew he would be in Gryffindor, just like Thor; just like the rest of his family.

_“Slytherin!”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, here's the next chapter! I know it took a while to get here, but the story really starts after this, so hopefully it was worth it.   
> As always, thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it.


	5. V. A Horse To Water.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “What if we just go over there?” Clint asked from next to Thor (who didn’t even remember when Clint sat down next to him). “He can’t run away from all of us.”   
> “Yeah,” Natasha agreed rather enthusiastically, “and if he tries to run to the Common Room then Tony can just hunt him down!”  
> “Hey, I think I’m too young to be a babysitter-” Tony’s sentence was cut off by Bruce smacking him on the head; “I mean, yeah, sure, I can do that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this is a suuuuper long chapter! There are quite a few perspective shifts, but I hope it's not too confusing. I did proof read it, but it's also super late and I'm pretty much surviving on peanut butter, so I apologise in advance if there are any mistakes ;; enjoy!!

Thor hated seeing Loki so miserable.

He watched his brother as he sat alone in the courtyard, his shoulders slumped over and his face buried in a book; this seemed to be his new default. Thor had tried over and over to talk to his brother, but Loki always found some way to put distance between them. Thor frowned as he thought of how he’d tried to talk to Loki earlier, but his brother’s response was to simply get up and walk away, not bothering to even hear what Thor had to say anymore.

Thor remembered the Sorting Ceremony: Loki looked panicked at first, but his nerves seemed to ease away just before the hat had called out his house. Slytherin had cheered for him and a few students stood  to welcome him to the house, but Loki was glued to the chair. Thor had watched as his panic returned and multiplied, and it was clear that Loki was on the verge of tears when Professor van Dyne touched his shoulder and pointed him in the direction of the Slytherin house table. Loki walked down robotically and Thor lost sight of him amongst the Slytherin students who were crowding around him.

Things seemed to be going okay a few months after the Sorting Ceremony – Loki had been moody, yes, but he’d still responded to his brother’s attempts at conversation; Thor also noticed that his brother had (somewhat unknowingly) befriended Pietro Maximoff. Thor was happy that his brother was finding his own way, and, much to Thor’s surprise, Loki had even seemed proud to be in Slytherin by the time the Christmas holidays had come. Once they’d arrived home Loki had excitedly told Thor and Frigga tales of the ‘Slytherin Dungeons’ and the Bloody Baron, and he’d even admitted to liking his house colours very much. Frigga had simply shaken her head fondly and kissed her youngest son on the forehead.

The three of them had enjoyed their afternoon – Loki and Thor helped their mother bake Christmas treats until the sun had all but disappeared from the sky, and Frigga was setting the dinner table by the time Odin had returned home.

Thor flinched now as he remembered that evening.

_“Hello, dear,” Frigga greeted Odin with a smile as she waved various dishes onto the table. “You’re in time for dinner.”_

_“Hello, Father,” Loki and Thor both greeted from where they stood beside the table, the two of them mid-fight over a mince pie._

_Odin’s eyes narrowed as they slid over to Loki and Thor, and he made a noncommittal noise before walking upstairs._

_Loki immediately deflated. “It’s because of me, isn’t it?”_

_“Don’t be silly, dear,” Frigga reassured him, “I’m sure he’s just had a long day. Now, go wash up before we start.” She waved both Thor and Loki away before retreating back into the kitchen._

_Loki hadn’t heard from his father since the Sorting Ceremony, and Thor had assured him that this was nothing to worry about; that Odin had never really written letters to him, either; that their father had an extremely important job at the Ministry which meant that he had no time to write to them in the first place. Loki had been reassured._

_But now, seeing his father’s reaction to him, he wasn’t so sure._

_Dinner was tense._

_Odin was silent for the majority of the meal, only giving Frigga short ‘hmm’s and curt ‘yes’s and ‘no’s when she asked him about work. Frustrated, she decided to change the topic._

_“Loki’s been enjoying Hogwarts,” she said, a smile spreading across her face. “You should hear all the stories of the Slytherin Common Room – did you know they were in the dungeons-“_

_“Thor,” Odin interrupted Frigga, “how have Quidditch practices been going so far?”_

_Thor felt his younger brother shrink in the seat next to him. He paused before answering._

_“Father, I really think you should be asking Loki-“_

_“Is that boy Barton still on the team, or have you finally found someone to replace him?” Odin interrupted again before taking a sip of his wine. Thor clenched his teeth._

_“I will not have this at my dinner table, Odin,” Frigga said firmly, putting her knife and fork down and looking at her husband._

_“And I will not pretend to be happy about what has happened,” Odin’s tone was equally as firm, but he seemed completely at ease; he continued eating, not taking any notice of the two pairs of eyes that were now glued to him, and the remaining pair that were glued to the table._

_“How can you say that?” Thor slammed his hand down on the table in an attempt to get Odin’s attention. It worked. “Loki is more talented than anyone I’ve met at his age, and you cannot even be happy about your own son-”_

_“ **Talent** has nothing to do with it,” Odin interjected, his voice rising higher in volume than Thor’s. “Even the worst of people can be **talented**.” _

_Thor scoffed and pushed his plate away, “How can you be so quick to pass judgement? Surely everything is not as black and white as that?”_

_“Aren’t they?” Odin retorted. “Are you sure that they shouldn’t be?”_

_“ **Enough** ,” Frigga stood up. “Odin, a word, please?”_

_Odin stood, calm once again, and followed Frigga upstairs._

_Thor could not remember being so angry before; he sat, teeth clenched, and stared at the empty seat where Odin was a moment ago. He thought of how happy his brother had been; how he’d finally seemed to be accepting his house after months of anger and sadness. It wasn’t fair that Odin had ripped it away so easily. It was only when he turned to say something to Loki that he noticed he was no longer there._

_“Loki?” he asked, looking around. He got up and found his brother upstairs, ear glued to their parents’ bedroom door. He tried to pull Loki away but it was no use, and so he stood outside the door and waited with him, unwillingly hearing the conversation between his mother and father._

_“- are you going to let it **go** , Odin?” Frigga was exasperated; “it’s been **years**. Surely you won’t carry this around with you forever?”_

_“Time does not change what has happened. What good is the past if we do not learn from it?”_

_“But he’s your **son** -“_

_“Yes,” Odin’s voice rose, “which makes it harder for me to understand what I’ve done wrong.”_

_“What you’ve done wrong?” Thor could picture his mother shaking her head. “We’ve done nothing wrong, Odin-“_

_“Then how do I explain this to everyone?” There was a pause._

_Frigga scoffed, “So, that’s it, then? That’s been it this entire time? You’ve been too worried about your **image** than about your own son?”_

_Another pause, and then, more quietly, “You know, I always **knew** there was something wrong with him-“_

_His words were cut off with a loud slap and Thor didn’t have to guess what his mother had done. He looked down at Loki and saw his younger brother’s face streaked with tears and his heart ached. He pulled his brother by the arm and Loki allowed himself to be dragged to his bedroom, Odin and Frigga’s shouting fading into the background once Thor had closed the door._

_Loki had cried into his pillow until he fell asleep that night, and he had refused to speak to anyone for the remainder of the holiday; not even to Frigga._

“Hey, Thor, you okay?” Natasha asked from where she was standing; she and Bruce had been testing out potions on Tony, who’d agreed to be their guinea pig. Somehow Bruce and Tony had been integrated into their friend group by Natasha – who was more than happy to have willing assistants instead of having to convince either Thor or Clint. Now the three of them stood and watched him worriedly, though they must have been successful with their tests, given the fact that Tony hadn’t been rushed to the infirmary yet.

Thor nodded towards Loki, who was still sitting alone.

“Have you tried talking to him today?” she asked softly as she sat down next to Thor; Natasha took Thor’s responding sigh as a _yes, still the same._

“What if we just go over there?” Clint asked from next to Thor (who didn’t even remember when Clint sat down next to him). “He can’t run away from all of us.”

“Yeah,” Natasha agreed rather enthusiastically, “and if he tries to run to the Common Room then Tony can just hunt him down!”

“Hey, I think I’m too young to be a babysitter-” Tony’s sentence was cut off by Bruce smacking him on the head; “I mean, yeah, sure, I can do that.”

Thor thought about it for a moment before nodding in agreement; he would not allow his brother to suffer alone.

-

Loki was miserable.

His worst fears were confirmed when he and Thor had gone home for the Christmas holidays, and he knew that nothing would be the same in their home even though his mother and brother had tried to convince him otherwise. He’d spent his free time back at Hogwarts reading and avoiding Thor’s attempts at conversation – he was miserable, but he refused to let anyone see it. Either way, Thor’s coddling could only go so far; when Loki became particularly irritated with his brother he simply retreated to the Slytherin Common Room where he could read undisturbed.

_Just a few more months_ , he thought to himself as he skimmed over the pages of his book, _Thor will be gone in a few months, and then I just have to get through the next few years_.

Loki’s plan wasn’t great. With each passing day it became more and more difficult to ignore the ache in his chest when he thought of his family, but he knew that he was doing the right thing – he would get through Hogwarts, and then his family wouldn’t have to worry about him any longer. He was sure that Odin would be more than happy to erase his name from the family records, and he knew that Thor and Frigga would be better off without him.

_Thor and Frigga_. Loki frowned as he thought of the two of them and of how much time they’d spent making sure he was okay; defending him against Odin; worrying about him even when he’d told them not to. They’d wasted so much time worrying about him. Even now they worried; Loki had a pile of letters from his mother strewn amongst his clothes, and he could see Thor hovering over him from the corner of his eye. He wished they would _stop_. Couldn’t they just listen to what Odin was telling them? Couldn’t they see that he was _right?_ That _something was wrong with him-_

His vision went blurry and he snapped his book shut and took a deep breath. He would not cry here. He blinked away the stinging in his eyes and steadied himself before opening his book once again. He would stop thinking about it for now; there was no point in dwelling on it, anyway.

It was already too late when Loki noticed that Thor was no longer sitting in his spot. Suddenly he was being encircled by Thor’s entire friend group, including the two younger boys they had met on the train at the beginning of the year.

“Hey, baby Odinson,” Natasha sat down next to him and put an arm around his shoulders.

Loki clenched his teeth.

“No hello back?” Natasha feigned sadness, “I even changed my hair for you – see?” Suddenly Natasha’s hair shimmered into a deep emerald, which earned a scowl from Loki. “Okay, I don’t like green either;” a flutter and her hair was pitch black and slightly longer. It took Loki a moment to realise that that must have been what his own hair looked like now.

There was a moment of awkward silence before Loki decided to simply continue reading; he would not entertain this meaningless conversation.

Natasha looked worriedly at Thor, but Thor took the fact that Loki was still sitting down as a positive and simply shrugged in return and sat down next to his brother.

“You know,” Natasha started again, “I’m working on a potion-“

A loud cough from Tony interrupted her.

“- _we’re_ working on a potion that can capture the essence of a Metamorphmagus, so that whoever drinks the potion can _become_ one for a short while.” No response from Loki. “Maybe, when we’re sure that it’s safe, we’ll let you be the first person to try it?”

Loki didn’t even seem to hear her.

-

Tony began to feel uneasy as he watched Loki.

He had never really spoken to Thor’s younger brother, but he had never known him to be so cold. He remembered the first time he’d seen the boy on the train months ago: he had been radiating a warm energy that was almost infectious, and even though they hadn’t spoken Tony could _feel_ his excitement towards magic and Hogwarts; now it felt like only a shell was left. He’d heard bits and pieces of the story from Thor and Natasha, and he filled in the gaps for himself, but he never realised how much it had bothered him until he saw Loki sitting in front of him, his face completely void of emotion.

It reminded him too much of himself in his first year - before he met Bruce and his other friends; before he realised that _family_ could mean more than one thing.

“I hope your flying lessons are going well,” Clint spoke up from where he stood, “I’ll take you up on that bet that you’re better at Quidditch than Thor – in fact, something tells me you’d be a great Seeker.”

More silence. Tony didn’t know why he felt the need to say something.

“Good thing he’ll be on our team then,” Tony grinned, “another thing we can kick your ass at.”

“Oh, please,” Natasha joined in, “Ravenclaw has been kicking _both_ of your asses for years now.”

Tony scoffed, “At what, spelling?”

“At _everything._ ”

“’Everything’ is a rather broad term, don’t you think? And if I remember correctly, Hufflepuff won the House Cup last year, which means that _technically_ they’re kicking all of our asses.”

Natasha narrowed her eyes but didn’t comment further; Tony smiled smugly.

They both looked at Loki for any sign of a reaction, but the boy was still engrossed in his book; Natasha deflated slightly beside him.

“Have you read any of Mother’s letters?” Thor asked quietly; Loki tensed up. “She told me she’s sent you a quite a few, but you haven’t responded to any of them. She’s starting to worry-”

A few things happened before Tony reacted: the first was that Loki hurried out of the courtyard, leaving a disappointed Thor behind; then, both Natasha and Bruce were pointedly looking at Tony, though he had no idea why; before, thirdly, Bruce smacked him on the head and he realised that _oh, he was supposed to go after him_.

“ _Shit_ ,” Tony rushed after Loki, hoping that the younger boy was headed to the Common Room.

-

Loki was relieved to find the Common Room rather empty. He sat down on one of the couches in front of the fireplace and fought off the fresh wave of tears that threatened to spill over. Thor was making this so _difficult;_ all he wanted was to get through the next few years without bothering anyone – why was that so hard for his brother to understand?

_Just a few more months_ , he reminded himself and took a deep breath. He watched the flames dancing in the fireplace as he tried to envision what the next coming months would be like: Thor would undoubtedly carry on trying to talk to him, and now that his friends had been roped into his efforts Loki was sure they would continue making attempts, too. He held back a sigh as he realised that most of his breaks would have to be spent in the Common Room where no one could disturb him - he made a mental note to go exploring the castle to find a spot where Thor and his friends would not be able to find him.

The tension was just beginning to leave Loki’s body when a very out-of-breath Tony Stark plopped down next to him.

“Hey there, kid,” Tony said, breathless; “I hope I wasn’t taking anyone’s seat? Oh, well, I guess they can sit somewhere else now.”

_Tony Stark_.

Loki knew that Tony had joined Thor’s little friend group, but he didn’t think that Thor would go so far as to send someone to _look after him_. He clenched his teeth as he realised that now even his only guaranteed safe space wasn’t safe anymore; Tony had access to the Common Room just as he did. Loki closed his eyes and tried to think of another plan – Tony was only in his third year, but he doubted that Tony would continue watching over him once Thor had left, so he still only had to endure this for a few months, but his exploration of the castle would have to happen much sooner than he thought.

“Hey, are you alright?” Loki almost laughed; everyone else was clearly sure that Loki was _not alright_ , but Tony still thought he had to ask. However, Tony’s next question caught him by surprise: “Are you crying?”

Loki’s eyes flew open and he wiped at the tears on his cheeks that he hadn’t noticed fall. He turned away from Tony, shifting around so that his back was facing the older boy. He wanted to scream. This felt more humiliating than when Thor had to endure him crying himself to sleep. Why couldn’t people just leave him _alone_?

“Look,” Tony started, “I know we don’t really know each other – I don’t even know your brother that well – but you don’t have to go through this alone.” Loki didn’t respond, and so Tony continued, carefully; “you have a lot of people that are worried about you, and I think that makes you really lucky – it just means they care, you know.” There was a pause, and Loki was sure that there was something more to his words when Tony spoke again: “Some people don’t have that.”

Loki didn’t know how to reply to Tony, so he didn’t.

-

Tony was glad that Loki wasn’t looking at him, because he was sure he must have looked absolutely pathetic. He wasn’t good with feelings – he wasn’t sure he was good at _anything_ unless it involved numbers or a formula or a strategy; it was the reason he was currently failing Divination – but Loki was just a kid, so it made him want to try. Part of him knew that he was only doing it because he wished someone had tried with him during his first year.

He didn’t think Loki would respond, regardless of what he said, but he hoped that he was listening either way. He remembered something that Pepper had told him a while ago, and although the words felt strange coming out of his mouth he knew they were true; he hoped that Loki did, too.

“If you focus on all the assholes in your life then it just makes them matter more.”

Tony heard Loki sniff and for a moment he thought the younger boy would respond, but the moment was interrupted by the sound of chiming bells - a signal that the break was over.

Tony inhaled sharply as he remembered that his next period was Defence Against the Dark Arts – _all the way on the other side of the castle_. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. He would be late (again) and Professor Fury would make some snide comment (again) and subtract house points ( _again_ ), which meant that he would have to deal with dirty looks from his classmates for the rest of the week. He was not looking forward to it.

He stood up to leave but noticed that Loki showed no signs of getting up. “You don’t have class?”

Loki didn’t respond (Tony didn’t know why he expected him to) and Tony released a frustrated sigh. He hesitated before sitting back down next to Loki; maybe it was better to miss the class altogether.

-

“You don’t have class?” Loki almost laughed. He had done all the readings for the term already, and History of Magic was hardly a class he felt he needed to attend. No, he would spend his next period thinking of ways he could avoid Tony, since the older boy seemed to be just as hard to deal with as his brother. Loki didn’t know why Tony felt the need to get through to him, and he wouldn’t try to find out either, he just knew that Tony was definitely putting a damper on his plans; Loki hoped that he wouldn’t have to deal with him for the next four years.

Loki thought that Tony had already left for class, but to his surprise the older boy sat back down next to him.

Loki sighed; Tony Stark was _really_ going to get in his way.

-

Tony couldn’t pinpoint when exactly making sure Loki was okay became part of his daily routine, but it had.

The next few weeks were filled with him talking _at_ Loki (since the boy never responded) in the Common Room, in the courtyard, during meals; Tony felt like Loki’s new keeper, since it became more and more clear to him that the boy didn’t actually have any friends. He had unconsciously become familiar with Loki’s schedule and had somehow found a balance between giving him space and checking up on him (at least, Tony thought that he had – he would never know, since Loki had just gotten better at ignoring him). Add to everything the fact that Thor and his friends had gotten busier as the term progressed and Tony felt doubly responsible; it also meant that he, Bruce and Loki somehow hung out a lot.

 “Hey there, Bambi,” Tony said cheerfully as he sat down on the staircase next to a reading Loki. Loki had stopped tensing up around Tony, so Tony took it as progress. “Want some jelly beans?” He offered the candy to Loki despite knowing what his response would be. “No? What about you, Brucie? Some jelly beans?” Tony held the box of jelly beans out to Bruce who was now standing in front of him.

Bruce scrunched his nose in disgust; “I once got a dirty sock flavoured one – how can you still eat those?”

“That’s what makes them _fun_ ,” Tony rolled his eyes. “You know? ‘Fun’, that thing you used to have before you started spending all of your time running after Nat.” Tony eyed a suspicious peach coloured jelly bean before popping it in his mouth; it was a strange mix of salty, sweet and bitter that left a strange feeling on the roof of his mouth. It reminded him of licking envelopes.

“Nat and I have _fun_ ,” Bruce folded his arms across his chest defensively.

“Yeah, well, I wouldn’t know, since the two of you spend so much bloody time in your Common Room.” Another jelly bean: green apple. “Also, how do you know what a dirty sock tastes like?”

“It’s a good place to work without any distractions.”

“I thought you said you were having fun?”

“Have you done your Divination homework?” Bruce changed the subject, but the blush that spread across his cheeks gave him away.

Tony bit the red-speckled jelly bean he’d been eyeing; pizza. “How exactly is the Professor going to know whether we actually prophesized something or just copied a line from a fortune cookie? I mean, they’re basically the same thing.”

“Well, she does have the Sight – I’m sure she has ways of knowing.”

“You really believe she has the bloody Sight?” Tony muttered to himself as he searched through the jelly beans, playing his own version of Russian Roulette. “Bambi, make sure that you don’t get roped into taking Divination, okay? Unless you like guessing games, since that’s what the entire class is.”

Tony didn’t know when he’d taken to calling Loki ‘Bambi’, but he thought that the name fit; although, it reminded him more of the Loki he’d seen on the train than the Loki that sat next to him now.

A soft pink jelly bean: marshmallow.

“You sure you don’t want one? I think I got a good batch,” Tony was pleased with the amount of sweetness in his mouth.

Bruce sighed.

The two boys were talking about the new chess club schedule when Thor interrupted them; “Hey, guys,” he sat down next to Tony before taking the box of jelly beans from Tony’s hand. He picked a grey bean out of the box, which must’ve been a bad choice if the way his face scrunched up in disgust was any indication.

Loki immediately got up and left, leaving the three boys behind.

Thor sighed next to Tony; he hadn’t been around as often, but Loki avoided him every time he got the chance.

“I don’t know what to do anymore,” Thor confessed quietly, “It’s been months and he still won’t talk to me.”

Bruce took this as his cue to leave as well, sensing that the conversation that was about to happen was a private one.

“He’ll come around,” Tony reassured him once Bruce was out of earshot; “it just needs to sink in that we’re not going anywhere.”

“But I _am_ going,” Thor shook his head; “It’s my last year. I won’t be around to check up on him anymore.”

There was a moment of silence before Thor spoke again; “He seems to like you-”

Tony scoffed, “He _tolerates_ me – it’s quite a step away from liking me.”

“Either way,” Thor continued, “he doesn’t run away from you.” There was a pause as Thor stared down at the box of jelly beans in his hand, looking through them as if they weren’t even there. Tony wasn’t sure what to say, so he just waited for Thor to speak again. “I know I have no place asking you this, but,” he hesitated, “could you look out for him when I’m gone?”

Tony noticed the tension in Thor’s shoulders and the worry that had been settling across his face for weeks; what was happening with Loki was taking more of a toll on him than he’d been letting on. It reminded him too much of how his mother looked when she and his father had been fighting. She’d always tried to hide her pain from him, but he always noticed. He remembered feeling helpless knowing that there was nothing he could do to help her.

He wouldn’t let that happen with anyone else.

“Of course,” Tony agreed softly, “I’ll do my best to take care of him, I promise.”

Tony wasn’t expecting the brilliant smile that Thor gave him in return.

“I’m glad they didn’t expel you, Tony Stark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo the story's finally starting to take shape! It is ultimately going to be a frostiron story, so I'm building up to that :) I'm also excited to be going more into Tony's character!! He hasn't exactly had the best life either, so it's gonna be interesting to explore that.  
> And then just to clear any confusion up, Thor, Natasha and Clint are all 7th years, Tony and Bruce are 3rd years and Loki is in 1st year!  
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it!!


	6. VI. Utenforstående.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A charmed paper butterfly fluttered onto the piece of parchment that Loki was writing on; he clenched his teeth. Ignore it, he warned himself, but the butterfly was already up and fluttering closer to his face, aiming for his nose. He tried to swat it away, but suddenly the charm twisted the butterfly into something else entirely – the page tore into smaller pieces that began swirling around his head like a swarm of angry bees.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warnings: bullying; references to depression and self-harm.
> 
> Super long chapter! Please read my notes at the end xx

A charmed paper butterfly fluttered onto the piece of parchment that Loki was writing on; he clenched his teeth. _Ignore it_ , he warned himself, but the butterfly was already up and fluttering closer to his face, aiming for his nose. He tried to swat it away, but suddenly the charm twisted the butterfly into something else entirely – the page tore into smaller pieces that began swirling around his head like a swarm of angry bees.

Loki covered his face with his arm as an attempt to protect himself from the frantic pieces of paper that were now attacking his head. He could hear the laughter coming from his classmates.

The paper insects only seemed to get more and more aggressive and Loki was already trying to think of a plan when suddenly the pieces froze mid-air and shrivelled up before dropping to the floor around him.

The laughter immediately died down.

“Why can’t you just leave him alone?” Peter spoke up from his desk at the front of the classroom, his entire body turned towards where Loki was seated in the back.

Loki shrank in his seat as he looked at Peter. He knew that the boy was just trying to help, but it was useless.

Hela and her friends had started picking on him a few weeks after the start of their second year; it had been months since then and they were still going at it. He doubted anyone could get them to stop now.

“Seems like you have another bodyguard, Odinson,” Hela smirked at Loki and a few of her friends giggled; “one isn’t enough?”

Loki’s eyes dropped down to his desk. Tony had been following him around just as he had last year despite all of the signs that Loki had given him that said _he didn’t want it_. Eventually he’d given up and focused his energy on tuning him out instead – he’d gotten so good at it that he barely even noticed the older boy’s presence anymore; however, not everyone was as good at tuning Tony out as he was. The other students in his year, particularly in Slytherin, had noticed that Tony could often be found protectively hovering around Loki. It separated him from everyone else, and Loki had unknowingly become an outcast.

“You hate it here, don’t you?” Hela asked, her voice quiet, contrasting her previous tone. “Or do you just hate being in Slytherin? Scared you won’t be able to live up to big brother’s perfect Gryffindor name?”

There was a sharp sound of a chair scraping against the floor and all the eyes in the classroom turned to Loki, who had abruptly stood up at Hela’s words. His grip on his wand tightened until his knuckles turned white; he knew at least five spells that could send Hela to the Infirmary before she even had the chance to take back what she’d said, but something in her expression almost _dared_ Loki to try. He suddenly felt defeated – what was the point of fighting back when you had nothing to fight for? Hexing Hela wouldn’t bring him any satisfaction, nor would it stop her from taunting him; it wouldn’t change the way he felt. If anything it would only prove his father right.

Loki grabbed his parchment papers and his textbook and started towards the classroom door, but Professor van Dyne walked in before he could leave.

“Going somewhere, Mr Odinson?” she asked as she placed a large pile of books onto her desk; “The class is about to start.”

Loki hesitated; “I’m not feeling very well, Professor.”

She looked at Loki seriously for a moment before nodding, “I’ll have someone escort you to the Infirmary-”

“That’s not-”

“Mr Parker,” the professor spoke firmly, “please make sure that Mr Odinson gets there safely.”

Hela and her friends snickered - now Loki really _did_ have a bodyguard. He stifled a sigh as Peter stood up; the other boy smiled at him warmly, but Loki simply turned and walked out of the classroom.

Peter caught up to him in the hallway, and the two of them walked in silence for a moment before he spoke, “Why do you let them treat you like that?” he asked, turning to look at Loki. “You’re one of the smartest people in our year, why don’t you stand up to them?”

The silence between them stretched on until Loki could almost feel Peter’s discomfort.

“There’s no point,” Loki didn’t know why he responded. He hadn’t had a real conversation with another person in so long; it felt strange.

“What do you mean ‘there’s no point’?” Peter shook his head, “You mean you’re just okay with all of this?”

Loki shrugged – he found that he didn’t care much for conversation, anyway.

“Look,” Peter grabbed Loki’s arm to stop him from walking any further, “I don’t know what happened, or what you’re punishing yourself for, but it doesn’t have to be this way. If you ever need someone to talk to -”

“I’m fine,” Loki pulled his arm out of Peter’s grip. “I’m not going to the Infirmary.”

“I know.”

Loki avoided Peter’s questioning gaze until eventually the other boy sighed; “I’ll tell Professor van Dyne that you’ve been booked off for the day.” Loki’s eyes snapped to Peter, surprise and confusion running through him; Peter only smiled at him before turning and heading back towards the classroom. It was a kindness that Loki wasn’t expecting. He’d become so used to two extremes: the constant worried presence of Tony or the cruelty from Hela and her friends. He didn’t know what this middle ground was.

His head was spinning, but Loki somehow found his way to one of his favourite spots in the castle: it was a small, almost cramped, staircase that led up to one of the unused towers of the school. It was high up, with windows just large enough for him to get a view of the Forbidden Forest stretching out below; cobwebs littered the area, and the layers of dust on the stairs made it clear that no one had been there recently. Loki didn’t really mind; he was just glad to be alone. It was the last of his hiding places that Tony hadn’t found, so he had been trying hard to keep it a secret.

“ _Tergeo_ ,” Loki pointed his wand at one of the steps and the dust quickly spiralled up and flew out of one of the windows. He sat down cross-legged on the step and looked down at his hands, absently rolling his wand between his fingers. Nothing was going according to his plan. It seemed like the more he tried to disappear the more people noticed him – it was frustrating. Tony frustrated him the most. Loki didn’t understand why he was still trying as hard as he was; even if Thor had asked the older boy to watch over him, he just couldn’t understand the extreme determination that Tony had. Loki wished he would give up.

He wished that everyone would just give up.

Sometimes he felt like he was watching them through a two-way mirror: his family and Tony were searching for a version of him that no longer existed, while he stood behind the glass screaming at them to stop looking. Only they couldn’t hear him, and so they kept pushing on while he was left to watch, frustrated. _You’re wasting your time_ , he thought, _you won’t find him here_.

_They’re wasting their time_. He wished that he could cry, but no tears came; he’d been trying so hard to get rid of his emotions that they had all faded into one constant dull ache in his chest. He couldn’t tell them apart anymore – happiness, sadness, anger; they had all started to feel the same.

He couldn’t even hate Odin anymore.

Loki wasn’t exactly sure what had happened next: his wand had been resting comfortably between the fingers of his right hand, the tip pressed lightly into his left palm, when suddenly a sharp pain shot through his left hand. He hissed and pulled his wand away, only to find a long gash stretching across his palm; he stared at it in shock as blood began to slowly seep out of the cut. Panic rose in his chest as he tried to figure out what to do, blood dripping down onto the stairs below him. He closed his eyes and tried to breathe – he thought of all of the charms he’d read about recently, trying to filter through them and remember one that would be useful.

“ _Episkey!_ ” he blurted out, pointing his wand at his palm. He yelped in pain at the sting, but the wound quickly closed up until all that was left was the blood that had leaked out.

Loki sat and stared at his palm in shock; his heart raced in his chest, and the relief that was flooding through him made him feel light-headed – he hadn’t felt this alive in a long time, he almost wanted to laugh. But instead, he did something else.

He cried.

-

The next few weeks were a blur for Loki.

He’d worked out a new routine that included going to his classes and spending his lunch breaks as he usually did, but on the days when Tony had club meetings or was studying with Bruce he would sneak back up to his spot near the tower, and he always made sure to be back before Tony returned.

He found himself looking forward to those days the most.

He would sit on the stairs, roll his sleeves up, and practice different spells on his arms. One evening he had even burned his own name into his skin – that spell had stung more than the others he’d tried, but he decided not to heal the jagged letters just yet. He found that the dull throbbing he’d felt the next day was a welcome distraction from his other thoughts.

His stolen moments on the staircase were the only moments where he actually felt _normal_ again; everything else seemed to fade into background noise as he focused all of his attention on the pain in his arm. They were the only moments where he actually really _felt_ anything at all. The dull ache in his chest that he’d become so used to seemed to twist into something else entirely – his heart would race, his head would spin, and when it was all over and he’d healed his wounds he felt _relieved_. He liked the feeling.

He sat on the staircase now, his wand pointed towards his arm, cutting long gashes into his skin.

-

“I think something’s wrong,” Tony said to Bruce one evening at chess practice.

Bruce squinted at the board, “yeah, you’re losing.”

Tony scoffed, “Queen to B6, check;” Tony’s queen on the board picked up her throne and strutted over to square B6, kicking Bruce’s bishop out of the way and leaving his king cowering in fear. “And that’s not what I meant.”

Bruce cursed under his breath and stared at the board, trying to figure out a way to protect his king; “what did you mean then? King to E8,” his king stepped onto the square next to him, and Bruce’s knight turned protectively in front of him.

“With Loki,” Tony furrowed his brows as he analysed the board again, “Something’s different. I think he might be going off and doing something weird. Bishop B1 to G6, check.”

“King to E7,” Bruce was flustered, “And what would he even be _doing_? It’s not like he talks to anyone.”

“That’s the point – Queen to D4 – I can’t figure it out, but something seems off,” Tony watched as his queen retreated to the middle of the board, already knowing what Bruce’s next move would be.

“Rook A8 to A1-”

“Queen to A1,” he didn’t even let Bruce’s rook settle into place. “Come on, Bruce, you’re supposed to be the smart one here.”

Bruce scowled as he watched Tony’s queen smash his rook to pieces, “What if you just asked him? I mean, maybe he isn’t doing something _bad_ ; what if he’s starting to get better?”

“Rook H1 to H7, check,” Tony sighed, “and _really_ , Bruce? Just ask him? I don’t even think he notices when I’m around anymore.”

“King to E6;” Bruce was losing rather badly, “and I don’t know Tony, what do you want to do? Follow him around like a stalker?”

Tony thought about it for a moment. “That’s not a terrible idea, actually – bishop G6 to F5, check,” Tony squinted at the board, analysing all of the possible moves that Bruce could make, “mate.”

All of Bruce’s chess pieces angrily stood up from their places, his king even throwing his crown at the boy before walking back to his original spot. Tony’s queen walked over to him and made a high-five motion that Tony returned with his index finger.

“Well done, Mr Stark,” Professor Pym complimented Tony as he walked around the classroom watching the students practice.

Tony smiled and waited for the professor to be out of earshot before he whispered to Bruce, “I’m skipping the next practice.”

“What? You’re not _really_ going to follow him around, are you?” Bruce frantically whispered back, “That’s an invasion of privacy.”

“I promised Thor I would look out for him,” Tony said as they started packing the chess set away, the chess pieces climbing back into their box, “what if he’s doing something stupid?”

Bruce hesitated, “I don’t know about this, Tony…”

“Look,” Tony folded the board up, “if it’s nothing then I’ll leave him alone, I swear, but he’s been acting weird, Bruce; I’m worried.”

“Wow,” Bruce seemed taken aback at first, but then he let out a chuckle; “proof that Tony Stark has a heart.”

-

Tony sat on the staircase leading up to the Ravenclaw Common Room. He’d left as he usually would for chess practice, but instead of going to Professor Pym’s classroom he’d come to the Ravenclaw Tower to get his friend’s help.

Stephen Strange walked out of the Common Room and sat down next to Tony on the stairs, a piece of folded parchment in his hand. “You’ve heard of the Marauder’s Map?”

Tony wanted to make a snarky remark at Stephen’s sudden appearance, but he held it back since Stephen had _actually_ agreed to help him; “Of course.”

The other boy shoved the piece of parchment into Tony’s hands, “It’s not the same, but it pretty much does the same thing.” Tony stared at the blank paper, about to make a comment when suddenly the words _Hello, Tony_ appeared on the front; “I’ve already charmed it to give you access.”

“This is brilliant,” Tony whispered, unfolding the parchment and seeing all of the names floating across the map of the school, “how did you do it?”

Stephen shrugged, “Homunculus charm.” Tony had no idea what the Homunculus charm was. “I want it back when you’re done – and don’t get caught, we might get expelled.”

“I’m not an idiot, Stephen.”

“That’s debatable. You got roped into taking Divination with Banner – that’s a bit idiotic.”

Tony scowled and stood up, “I’ll see you later.” He was already halfway down the stairs when he threw a ‘ _thanks!_ ’ over his shoulder.

-

“Where are you hiding?” Tony muttered under his breath as he frantically searched for Loki’s name on the map; his suspicions about Loki sneaking out had already been confirmed – he wasn’t in the Common Room. He checked all of his other usual spots: the library, the courtyard, a hidden alcove on the 7th floor of the castle, even Moaning Myrtle’s bathroom, but Loki was nowhere to be seen. For a fleeting moment Tony thought that Loki might even be in the Room of Requirement or somewhere off campus, but then he spotted a small _Loki Odinson_ floating off on a far corner of the map; “Gotcha!”

Tony followed the map, trying to get to wherever Loki was. The further out he went the more uneasy he felt. Something was obviously wrong – Loki wouldn’t put this much effort into hiding if all he was doing was reading or doing homework; he’d simply find a stall in the 2nd floor bathroom (Moaning Myrtle had long since stopped trying to converse with him, instead opting to flirt with Tony whenever he had found the other boy in the bathroom) or hang around on the almost-abandoned 7th floor. _No,_ Tony thought to himself, _he’s hiding something_.

The map led him up a long spiral staircase and Tony was sure he was heading up to one of the castle towers. He was getting awfully close to Loki’s name and he was suddenly very aware of how hard his heart was beating; “Please don’t be torturing little animals, or something,” Tony whispered as he walked out onto a landing. According to the map, Loki would be around the corner. Tony took a deep breath and roughly folded the map up before shoving it in his back pocket.

Nothing seemed off at first.

Loki was seated on another smaller staircase that must’ve led to the roof of the tower; he was hunched over and far too concentrated on what he was doing to notice Tony, who had slowly rounded the corner.

Tony watched the younger boy in confusion: his sleeves were rolled up and his wand was pointed down towards his arm, moving slowly and purposefully. Loki muttered charms under his breath, his face almost completely concealed by long pieces of hair that were falling forward on his head, and Tony strained to hear what charms he was using when suddenly he hissed loudly – his head pulled away from his arm and his face contorted in pain.

 “What…?” Tony’s head felt foggy as he tried to work through his confusion; Loki’s body went rigid when he noticed Tony standing in front of him. He looked like a deer caught in headlights, guilty despite Tony not knowing what he was doing.

Loki tried to cover his arm with his hand, and that’s when Tony noticed it: a thin trail of blood running down his arm.

The tension in the room was thick. Neither of them said anything – Loki was too scared to speak, and Tony was too shocked. The moment seemed to drag on for an eternity. Loki started shaking, and a few red droplets leaked onto the stair beneath him.

Something inside Tony snapped.

“What the _hell_ are you doing?” he rushed over to where Loki was seated and grabbed the other boy’s arm, frantically shaking his head as he looked at the different gashes and burns that littered his skin. “ _Shit_ ,” Tony fumbled for his wand, refusing to let go of Loki’s arm, “I really hope this isn’t what it looks like.”

-

“I really hope this isn’t what it looks like.”

Loki didn’t understand why Tony sounded like he was about to cry; shouldn’t _he_ be the one crying? _He_ was the one who was embarrassed – everyone would find out about what he was doing and they would think he was even _more_ of a freak. Even Peter wouldn’t be able to stand him anymore. His mind spun as he thought about Hela and her friends and what they would say: _No wonder you need a bodyguard, Odinson, you can’t even look after yourself_.

Tony was muttering about healing charms under his breath as he examined Loki’s arm – he looked frantic and his hands were shaking slightly; Loki’s brows furrowed in confusion.

“Jesus, Loki,” Tony hissed as he spotted where Loki had burnt his name into his arm. “What the hell were you thinking? Do you think this is going to help with anything?” His voice was rising in what was clearly anger, but Loki couldn’t understand why. “And why the _hell_ are you so calm right now? Do you think _this_ ,” he held up Loki’s afflicted arm, “is _okay?_ ”  

Loki opened his mouth to speak but no words came – _did_ he think it was okay? The question stewed in his mind. He certainly didn’t think it was _wrong_ ; strange, maybe, and slightly embarrassing, but not wrong. He’d always healed himself afterwards – why wouldn’t it be okay? He frowned as his next thought came to him; if it wasn’t wrong then why was he so ashamed of it? Maybe it was wrong after all. The image of his mother and Odin fighting over him flashed in his mind; no, _he_ was the one that was wrong. He couldn’t even control his emotions unless he was carving lines into his skin.

_I always knew there was something wrong with him_.

 Odin was right. Odin had always been right.

“We have to get you to the Infirmary-”

Loki’s eyes widened in fear and he frantically tried to pull his arm away from Tony; the older boy held firm.

“ _Loki_ ,” Tony seemed panicked; Loki still didn’t understand. “Do you even know how badly you’re hurt? I don’t know if I can fix this alone.”

Loki raised his wand to his arm and started healing it, the burns and gashes slowly fading away. Tony’s grip on his arm tightened and he spoke quietly: “We have a name for this in the muggle world, you know. I don’t know how much they teach you about mental health in the wizarding world, but I promise you this isn’t going to help.”

Tony let out a relieved breath once Loki had finished healing all of his wounds, and he loosened his grip enough for Loki to pull his arm away – he felt too ashamed to even look at the older boy; he had spent so much time trying to convince Tony and his family that he was strong and that he didn’t need them, but now Tony had caught him. Now the other boy actually knew how weak he really was, and he would be reminded of it every time he looked at him. Loki thought about how Tony’s pity would follow him around everywhere now; somehow he thought it was worse than all of Hela’s bullying.

“I know it seems like it helps,” Tony began, “especially when there’s so much else going on and it feels like you can’t control anything… but it’s like putting a band-aid on a broken leg – it won’t fix the real issue.” Loki got the odd feeling that Tony was talking from experience. “I don’t know how it works here, but I’m sure there are people who can help – you know, who you can talk to – about how you’re feeling. I can ask Bruce, I’m sure he’ll know what to do-”

There it was: pity.

Loki turned his head away from Tony completely, but the older boy put a hand on his shoulder and turned him to face towards him; “Hey, look, I don’t think you’re weak or anything, Loki. I’m just worried about you.” Loki’s blinked in surprise; he wasn’t expecting Tony’s soft tone of voice or the clear concern in his eyes. “You don’t have to go through this on your own. You don’t have to talk to me, but at least promise me that you’ll talk to _someone_ once we figure out the whole ‘magic therapy’ thing, okay?”

Tony’s concern stirred something inside Loki, although he couldn’t understand why. The younger boy nodded after a moment despite not fully understanding what he was agreeing to.

“Okay,” Tony nodded as well and let out another relieved breath, “let’s get you back to the Common Room and get you cleaned up, okay?” He stood and pulled Loki to his feet as well, “Mind if we stop by the Ravenclaw Tower on our way? I need to return something or I’ll get my ass kicked.”

-

It happened a few weeks later.

Tony had been sitting across from Loki in the Common Room, irately scribbling through his Divination homework, when suddenly Loki said his name. Tony wasn’t sure he’d heard right at first, but when he looked up the younger boy was looking at him expectantly.

Loki seemed to be doing a lot better; Tony had asked Bruce about how therapy worked in the wizarding world, and he’d informed Tony that there was actually a school counsellor on campus – although, the therapy process was generally a lot different to how it was done in the muggle world. Tony made an appointment for Loki the next day. Loki was confused at first, but he didn’t go back on his promise, and after a week Tony could already notice a change in him. He’d even laughed at one of Tony’s jokes; it had made Tony smile for the rest of the day.

“What’s up, kiddo?” Tony cleared his throat; it felt odd to actually talk to the other boy, usually he just spoke _at_ him. He tried to act casual.

“How did you end up in Slytherin?” There was genuine curiosity in Loki’s eyes, as if he couldn’t fathom how the older boy had gotten into the house.

“What do you mean?” Tony furrowed his brows in confusion; “The Sorting Hat-”

“ _No_ ,” Loki interrupted him, “I mean,” the younger boy looked down at the book he’d been reading, “you’re smart enough to be in Ravenclaw; loyal enough to be in Hufflepuff; even bold enough to be in Gryffindor – but you’re _here_. I don’t understand.”

Tony was in shock.

Loki had gone from ignoring his existence to actually talking to him out of his own free will, and the older boy wasn’t sure how to deal with it. His brain went into overdrive as he started thinking about what that meant, about how hard Loki must’ve been working behind the scenes to get to this point; it seemed twisted, but in that moment Tony was actually _glad_ that he’d found Loki on the staircase weeks ago. Tony knew how it felt to have people that you cared about give up on you – it was part of what made him stick with Loki even when the younger boy clearly hadn’t wanted him around. He was glad he hadn’t given up.

Tony realised that he still hadn’t answered Loki’s question, and the other boy seemed rather uncomfortable. “Well, it’s simple,” Tony started seriously, “I asked.” Loki tilted his head in confusion and a grin broke out on Tony’s face. “I thought Ravenclaw was too stiff, and my sense of self-preservation is way too strong for me to be in Gryffindor,” he looked up as if he were thinking about something before shrugging, “plus I’m kind of an asshole – not very Hufflepuff at all. So, when I was being sorted, I just –” Tony almost laughed at Loki’s shocked expression, “– asked.”

“You… just asked?” Loki was dumbstruck.

Tony couldn’t hold back his laugh this time. “Look,” he started after Loki simply stared at him, “it’s not that simple – I didn’t even know it would work – but I asked the hat and it put me in Slytherin. I guess asking is a very Slytherin thing to do anyway.”

Loki looked like he had a million more questions, but Tony spoke again before he could get anything out, “Loki, you have to stop thinking that being in Slytherin is a bad thing; I can even show you that it’s not, now that you’ve stopped giving me the silent treatment.”

The younger boy blushed, seemingly embarrassed about the way he treated Tony before, but then he squared his shoulders and took a deep breath; “okay.” The word was filled with purpose.

Tony smiled.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've known how this chapter would play out since the beginning of this story, but this was still a very difficult chapter for me to write. As someone who is struggling with depression and my mental health in general as well it was really uncomfortable for me to put myself into Loki's character - not because I couldn't understand what he was feeling, but because I could understand it too much, so I had to take a lot of long breaks while writing this chapter just to try and not get too caught up in it. Loki grew up in a fairly stable home; he grew up idolizing his father, and he grew up constantly dreaming about Hogwarts and expecting it to be perfect - now all of those things have fallen apart and he doesn't know how to deal with it.  
> For some reason I imagine that mental health is not something that's really spoken about in the wizarding world, and I also imagine that when it is dealt with that it's not handled in the same way as we do, but I thought it was important that Hogwarts have some sort of counselling support available, especially because this story has a more modern setting.   
> Tony is muggle-born, which is why he doesn't know much about how these things are handled in the wizarding world; Bruce is a half-blood with one muggle parent, which is why he knows a bit more about it. I don't think it's strange for Tony to suggest that Loki goes to therapy or to see a counselor, since information on mental health is quite readily available in the muggle world and because of the fact that he's struggled with similar issues as well.   
> And lastly, Loki didn't actually recognize what he was doing as self-harm; it's not something that he's ever been exposed to or even knew existed, but I don't think it's something you need to understand in order to do it. He was unknowingly using it as a coping mechanism, and it was only when he was caught by Tony that he saw it as something that wasn't okay. It wasn't something that he intentionally began doing either - wands are known to be quite sensitive to moods and emotions, so the first time he hurt himself his wand was just reacting badly to how he was feeling in that moment. 
> 
> But things start looking up from here - a much happier frostiron is on its way! And more of the characters are going to be introduced from now on. I think this was definitely the heaviest chapter of the story, so please don't be too sad! Also, kudos to anyone who picked up the Iron Man reference :)  
> Just in case there's any confusion, in this chapter Loki is in his 2nd year and Tony is in his 4th year.   
> Thank you for reading xx


	7. VII. Blow Out All the Candles.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki hadn’t realised that there were tears in his eyes until Tony asked him if everything was alright.  
> “Yes,” Loki tried to blink away his tears, “good, actually. I’m happy.”

18.11.2014

“C’mon, Bambi,” Tony walked ahead of Loki in the library, his eyes scanning over the shelves as he searched for a particular book. The library was set out in a rather peculiar way: every shelf had a desk attached to it for students to sit at, and the shelves themselves were narrow and took up more vertical space than they did horizontal. Tony had found it odd at first, especially if he compared it to the last muggle library that he’d been to, but he was accustomed to it now; hanging out with Loki and Bruce meant that Tony had ended up spending more time in the library than he’d typically care for, but it also meant that he’d had enough time to explore it for himself.

“Here!” He stopped and walked down the aisle between two of the shelves, staring up at the books in front of him. The Hogwarts library had no ladders; if a book was too high to reach then one simply had to stop in front of the shelf and say the title of the book, and it would float down from wherever it was. “ _Founding History: The Inception of Hogwarts,_ ” Tony looked up as the book dislodged from its spot and floated down, stopping right in front of him. He handed the book to Loki, who was standing next to him, watching in curiosity.

The next book that Tony picked out was easy enough to reach; he pulled it out of the shelf and handed it to Loki as well. Loki stared at the cover: _1998: The Final Battle_. “That one’s really interesting,” Tony pointed out, “they pulled memories from people who were actually there for the images, and there are interviews with people who fought in the Battle.”

Loki’s eyes widened; his History of Magic classes hadn’t yet covered the Battle of 1998 in detail, and the only other information he knew was the skewed version of events he’d gotten from his father.

“And look at this,” Tony took the book from him and opened it near the end, stopping at a page with four columns of names that seemed to go onto the next page.

“ _’Fallen in Battle’_ ,” Loki read the heading aloud. He scanned the page and was surprised to see that there were as many names under Slytherin as there were in the other houses. “Odin always told me that everyone in Slytherin had left – that the Death Eaters had gotten them all out before the Battle started.”

Tony shook his head, “Nope. A lot of Slytherins left and came back with reinforcements – others stayed to fight. Despite what your dad thinks, not every Slytherin supported Voldemort.”

Tony closed the book and gave it back to Loki; “Read those. I know you’re all caught up with your History of Magic readings, but hopefully this will give you a different view on things.” Tony shrugged before speaking again, “And sure, Salazar Slytherin wasn’t the greatest person, but he didn’t even stick around Hogwarts for that long – he may have started the house, but he certainly wasn’t responsible for it.”

Loki’s eyebrows furrowed together, “What about Voldemort? And all the Death Eaters?”

Tony sighed and started walking out of the aisle; Loki followed after him. “Voldemort was just an evil dude who manipulated people into believing some ancient pure-blood supremacy bullshit because he had daddy issues – Slytherin house is hardly to blame for that.” Tony looked over his shoulder at Loki and almost laughed at the other boy’s mortified expression. “Just read the books, it will make sense.”

Loki was quiet, and Tony could tell that the younger boy was stewing over all the new information he’d suddenly learnt. Tony realised that it was probably difficult for him, having to find out that everything his father had told him, everything he grew up believing, wasn’t completely true. Tony idly wondered if that’s how his father felt when his Hogwarts Acceptance Letter had arrived in the mail – his father, Howard Stark the _scientist_ , being told that his only son was going to be a _magician_. No, that hadn’t gone well.

“What about the Chamber of Secrets?” Loki asked, “Didn’t Salazar Slytherin build it so that he could keep out anyone who wasn’t a pure-blood?”

“The Chamber of Secrets was Salazar Slytherin’s version of a Taylor Swift song,” Tony scoffed, “He basically wanted to show the other Founders how awesome he was after he left – and what good did it do, really? No one actually found it until hundreds of years later. Look, Bambi, there have been some bad apples in Slytherin – we can’t deny that – but that doesn’t make the _house_ bad!” Tony’s hands waved around passionately as he spoke; “Hitler was a terrible man, but look at Germany now! They’re pretty cool – very nice people–”

Tony turned to look at Loki, but the younger boy was looking at him as if he’d grown a second head. It took him a while before he realised that Loki must’ve had no idea who he was talking about.

“Shit, remind me to teach you about muggle history, too, okay?”   

-

22.11.2014

“My brother was captain of the Quidditch team,” Loki said excitedly as he, Tony and Bruce found their seats in the stands.

The three boys sat down and Tony grinned before he reached over to loop Loki’s green and silver scarf around his neck, “I know, Bambi – I’ve met him, remember?”

It was the third Quidditch match of the season between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff and the stands were extremely crowded, with most people sitting in their houses and cheering loudly for the team they supported – it was only the second Quidditch match that Loki had ever been to, but he was beginning to understand that noise and energy were part of the experience. He and Tony had decided to sit with Bruce in Ravenclaw to support.

 “I bet Gryffindor will win the Quidditch Cup this year,” Loki grinned back at Tony; “Thor says they used to win all the time.”

“Actually,” Bruce spoke from next to Tony, “Gryffindor hasn’t won the Quidditch Cup for six years.”

The smile on Loki’s face immediately fell, “What?”

“They’ve won some matches,” Bruce leaned over Tony to explain, “but they never have enough points to win the actual Cup – it’s been between Ravenclaw and Slytherin for the past few years.”

Loki blinked in shock – even his thoughts on Quidditch were wrong.

_‘Welcome to the third match of the season between Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff! Ravenclaw dominated the leader board last season and took home the Quidditch Cup – will they be able to do it again-‘_

-

06.12.2014

“Tony?” Loki asked quietly. The two boys were sitting in the Common Room, sprawled on the sofa closest to the fireplace, with Tony’s ginger cat, Jarvis, and Loki’s new black kitten, Frosty, lying between them.

“Hmm?” Tony was absently running his fingers across Jarvis’s fur and watching the fire change colours in the fireplace.

“I want to stay here for Christmas.”

Loki’s words were soft, but Tony got the sense that there was more to them than he was letting on. He turned his head to look at the younger boy: Loki’s eyes were downcast as he watched his fingers fidget in his lap; he seemed both tense _and_ relaxed at the same time – _nervous?_ Tony’s mind supplied him with the word. Loki was rarely nervous –Tony sat a little straighter.

“You sure about that?” Tony asked, equally as quiet.

Loki nodded; “I don’t want them to fight again.”

Tony suddenly remembered his last Christmas at home:

_Howard Stark had spent the better part of his day in his study, but Tony knew that he wasn’t working - especially judging by the amount of noise that floated out of the room. The sound of glass shattering echoed down the hallway and Tony heard the slurred voice of his father shouting through his bedroom door._

_“FRIDAY, call someone to clean this up.”_

_“Yes, sir.” The robotic female voice replied._

_Tony was lying on his bed, idly scratching behind Jarvis’s ear; the cat had fallen asleep on his chest and no matter how restless Tony felt, he didn’t have the will to wake him up. His mother was busy in their kitchen preparing dishes for the evening with the three chefs that she’d hired. Tony knew that she was only doing it to stay out of his father’s way. He’d offered his help to her, but she dismissed it. He’d asked if he could go to visit Pepper or Rhodey and his mother had simply given him a disapproving look. No, then._

_It was Christmas Eve, and Tony Stark was caged up in his bedroom – neither of his parents wanted to spend time with him, and so he was left to spend the day with Jarvis, who, truthfully, felt more like family to him than his parents did._

_His thoughts drifted to the other Jarvis that he’d known._

_His father had been working on Artificial Intelligence models for as long as he could remember, and his first successful attempt had been an AI named JARVIS. The AI had connected to the internet and security systems in their apartment, which meant that he could see everything that was happening at any time. Howard had given him a call/response function, which allowed everyone to ‘talk’ to the AI; it had started off with basic, generic responses, mostly reciting back internet searches when you asked it a complex question, but over time the AI had evolved and developed a more sentient thought/response pattern – eventually Tony was having full conversations with the AI._

_Tony often wished that he had a sibling. His parents were always busy, and, compared to his friends, his home had always felt rather cold – but he felt less lonely with JARVIS around. He grew extremely fond of him, and as the AI grew more and more intelligent they began to have more human-like conversations._

_“I’m not going crazy, am I, JARVIS? That really happened, didn’t it?” Tony had asked one day from his bedroom; he’d been in the kitchen with his parents, watching them argue over something he didn’t know about. Their voices rose until they were screaming at each other, and his father looked like he was bracing to throw his coffee mug when suddenly the coffee machine exploded, shattered glass and coffee pooling on the floor. His parents stared at each other in shock. Tony didn’t know why he felt guilty._

_“Indeed, Mr Stark,” JARVIS’s voice no longer sounded like the robotic monotone that it had when he was first developed; it felt like talking to a friend. “It seems the machine reacted spontaneously.”_

_“And it wasn’t faulty?”_

_“No faults were detected.”_

_Tony was quiet for a moment before he softly asked: “do you think it was me?”_

_It was silent for a few seconds before JARVIS responded; “I believe that is impossible, Mr Stark.” Tony almost thought he sounded uncertain._

_Tony’s Hogwarts acceptance letter had arrived a week later._

_“Is this a fucking joke?” Howard asked as he read through it; “’School of Witchcraft and Wizardry’ – do you and your friends think this is funny, Anthony?”_

_“I didn’t do it,” Tony answered quietly, not looking up at his father._

_Howard Stark threw the letter into the fireplace and Tony watched as it contorted in the flames, slowly melting away into ash._

_An owl arrived the next morning, another letter sitting at its feet._

_“JARVIS search ‘Hogwarts’,” Howard asked irately, trying to analyse the letter._

_“No results, sir,” JARVIS responded after a moment._

_“What?” Howard dropped the letter onto the kitchen counter, “how is that possible?”_

_Tony nervously stirred the cereal in his bowl; magic wasn’t real – it couldn’t be. At least not **real** magic, not witches and wizards and magically exploding coffee machines – it just didn’t exist. Even if it did, there was no way that Tony could attend ‘magic school’. His life had already been planned out; he’d already been taking private lessons and learning about his father’s work, his mother had already planned which universities he’d be applying to and what courses he’d be taking – that couldn’t change now. _

_“Search ‘Platform 9 ¾‘.”_

_Silence, and then: “No results, sir.”_

_Howard shook his head, “Something’s wrong; I think he needs to be recalibrated.”_

_“I’m sure it’s just a joke, dear,” Tony’s mother spoke up from where she was seated, not bothering to look up from her magazine._

_The snowy owl that was still perched on the kitchen windowsill hooted and Howard Stark narrowed his eyes. “I expect you and your friends to stop this now, Anthony,” he said to Tony. He threw the letter in the trash before walking out of the kitchen; “JARVIS, give me a system error report.”_

_“No errors have been detected, sir.”_

_Professor van Dyne showed up a few days later._

_She explained that magic **was** real, and that Tony **had** been invited to study at Hogwarts, which **was** a school for gifted witches and wizards._

_“Not everyone has the ability, even in the wizarding world,” the professor explained, “but it seems that Mr Stark has the gift.”_

_Howard Stark was appalled; “And what if we don’t send him to this school?”_

_Professor van Dyne hesitated, “We cannot force him to attend; however, untrained witches and wizards can become a hazard to those around them. I’m sure you must have experienced some strange occurrences recently – they will only continue to escalate the longer his magic is suppressed.”_

_“Can’t he be taught here?” Maria Stark asked worriedly, “What about his other studies?”_

_“Hogwarts is the closest magic school in the area,” the professor looked down at her lap, almost sadly; “and unfortunately, muggle subjects are not taught at Hogwarts. However, should he wish to do so, Anthony is free to resume his regular studies once he has graduated.”_

_Howard scoffed, “So, he’ll be taught about charms and potions and magical creatures, but he’ll learn no practical skills? No maths or sciences or languages? No **useful** subjects?”_

_“Sir-”_

_“Get out of my house,” Howard stood up and Tony could feel the anger rolling off of him in waves; “I won’t have my son ruining his life to go and practice **magic** in some school that doesn’t even seem to exist!”_

_“Dad-”_

_“No, Anthony.” His tone was final._

_Professor van Dyne stood up, disappointment clear on her face, “If you change your mind,” she deliberately handed a small card to Tony, “I will be happy to escort you to the school.” She nodded a goodbye to Howard and Maria before turning to leave._

_Tony looked down at the card – the only information printed on it was a date and time and a phone number._

_The evening that followed was a mess._

_Howard was drunk and repeatedly asking JARVIS to search for Hogwarts and magic, but JARVIS gave no answers other than occasionally reporting back about street magicians and magic shows. Tony sat on his bed, hugging his knees to his chest as he listened to his parents shout at each other. The sound of glass shattering followed by his mother’s crying travelled through his door; Tony closed his eyes as he tried to focus on anything else, but his mother’s cries only got louder and his father’s slurred shouts became more aggressive. Suddenly, the pictures lining Tony’s bedroom walls flew from their places; Tony opened his eyes in time to see them all crash to the floor, shattered glass layered on the ground._

_Tears sprung in his eyes and he frantically tried to blink them away; his mother’s cries still hadn’t stopped. “JARVIS…”_

_Tony was scared._

_The sound of police sirens echoed outside a few moments later._

_“JARVIS, why are the police here?” Howard asked angrily as he wiped his hand across his forehead, breathing hard._

_“I have been programmed to alert the authorities in the event of an assault, sir.”_

_Howard killed the AI the next day._

_Tony called the number on the card once he found out, and a few days later he was on the Hogwarts Express with Professor van Dyne._

_His parents had let him go without so much as a goodbye._

_“FRIDAY, what time is it?” Tony asked now, blinking away the memory. There was no response. He sighed; he thought maybe his father had changed his mind, but the AI was still programmed to ignore him._

_Tony felt lonelier than ever._

“Tony?”

Loki’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Let’s make a deal,” he said to the younger boy, who was watching him carefully, “I’ll stay with you if you promise to write to your mom and Thor.”

Loki’s eyes widened and he bit his lip as he thought about it for a moment. Tony watched the different emotions cross over his face; Loki was clearly conflicted, but he hoped that he agreed to his proposition – Loki’s family wasn’t like his. He knew that his mother and brother worried about him. Thor still sent letters to Tony asking about how his younger brother was, and Frigga still sent Loki packages and letters despite his lack of response. Loki took a deep breath and nodded.

“Okay.”

-

24.12.2014

_My Dearest Loki,_

_Not having you here to celebrate Christmas with us breaks my heart, but I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to hear from you again – hopefully this means that you’ll start responding to my letters more often. Thor has also told me about your friend, Tony. He seems like a lovely boy – do bring him around over the next break! Thor seems to be quite fond of him as well._

_I’m glad that you seem to have found some light again, and I hope that it will stay with you, always._

_Merry Christmas, love – and enjoy the pastries! I’ve sent enough for both you and your friend!_

_P.S. – I had been hoping to give you your gift in person, but this will have to do. I have been speaking very highly of you to the pieces; I do hope that they take to you well._

_Mother xx_

Loki hadn’t realised that there were tears in his eyes until Tony asked him if everything was alright.

“Yes,” Loki tried to blink away his tears, “good, actually. I’m happy.”

A smile spread across Tony’s face in return; “That’s great, Bambi.”

It was late at night, and the two boys were sitting in front of the Common Room fireplace, both too wired up to sleep due to all of the sweets they had eaten from Tony’s Hogsmeade trip earlier.

“Mother sent sweets,” Loki opened the large red tin that was sitting in front of him and Tony groaned;

“If I see any more sugar I’m going to-”

Tony’s words were cut off once he saw what was inside of the tin.

It was filled to the brim with homemade pastries and sweets, some of which he recognized and some that looked completely foreign. The smell of cinnamon and vanilla and butter enveloped the two boys and Tony chewed on his lip as he stared down at the freshly-baked goods – he didn’t think it was possible, but his mouth started watering.

Loki laughed at how conflicted the other boy looked before picking out a small round biscuit and happily taking a bite. He suddenly felt extremely homesick - he missed his mother’s cooking, and playing games with Thor until dinner; he missed the fields that stretched out around their house, and being able to lie in his own bed after being out for too long. He missed being at home without feeling like he was trespassing.

“I’m going to regret this in the morning – hell, I’m already regretting it,” Tony mumbled to himself as he reached for one of the pastries that seemed to be entirely encased in powdered sugar. “What’s in the other box?” he nodded towards the wrapped present beside Loki.

“I don’t know,” Loki shoved the rest of the biscuit into his mouth and picked up the other box; it was quite large and flat and Loki had a suspicion about what it could be. He tore the festive wrapping paper off to reveal a dark wooden box with intricate silver embellishments running along the side; there was a small silver clasp that seemed to be holding it closed, and Loki flipped it up to open the box, which folded open to reveal a chess board and a set of smooth, silver-detailed chess pieces, tightly-packed and lying on their sides.

Loki’s chest tightened and he couldn’t stop the smile that spread across his face or the fresh wave of tears stinging in his eyes.

“Woah, pretty,” Tony whispered as he leaned over Loki’s shoulder to stare at the chess pieces.

Loki picked up the white queen, staring at the thin silver lines that ran across her dress and up into her crown. He stood her up in his palm and watched as she came to life; her arms pulled away from her sides, stretching out before she dazedly looked around. She looked up at Loki and a moment passed before she seemed to recognize him, suddenly bowing down into a curtsy before him.

His smile grew impossibly wider before he gently held his palm back down to the box for the queen to climb back in.

“We should play sometime,” Tony said with a grin as he watched the younger boy close the box. “Although I should warn you – I’m very good.” He took a biscuit from the tin; he was going to be sick from all the sugar the next day either way - he might as well embrace it.

“We’ll see,” Loki returned his grin with one of his own, “I think I could be better.”

“You really thought you could be in Gryffindor with that attitude?” Tony joked.

“Shut up!” Loki couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled out of his throat; he was too happy.

Suddenly, the clock in the Common Room tolled, indicating midnight.

“Oh,” Tony glanced at it before turning back to Loki; “Merry Christmas, Loki.”

Loki’s laughter died down enough for him to respond, “Merry Christmas, Tony.” The two boys smiled at each other warmly before Tony reached over to pick up the entire tin of sweets, a new sugar rush surging through him as he enthusiastically asked Loki about what the best pastries were. Loki pointed out all of his favourites and watched as Tony proceeded to try them all.

He ignored the nagging thought in the back of his head that Tony hadn’t received so much as a letter from his family at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, some fluff!  
> Actually, I ended up splitting this chapter in half - in my original plans I just imagined this huge montage of things happening and I wasn't expecting to go into too much detail, but here we are haha. I know I said I was going to start introducing more of the characters, but this got waaaay out of hand so I decided to split it into two chapters otherwise it might've been too heavy of a read! but expect the next chapter to be in a similar style :)  
> I hope no one hates me for the previous chapter - hopefully this can kind of make up for it. I love my soft bubs ugh.  
> Thank you for reading and I hope you enjoyed it xx


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